Some funny ass night!

Shiomara Tasha Diaz; I truly love you :]

I Realize constantly that my assumptions are right

But, i let it all play out like its suppose to.

"Words cant explain how you make me feel Oh Im glad the day that I seal this deal

I know you feel the same and thats why you stay"

"My nigga u have a stable penis and hugs n kisses"

I haven't felt this way in a long time and i must say i love it <3

my adorable shortstuff's.

Just when it starts to feel right...

I just don't get it?

and the worst of it all is that i actually care and caring requires emotions that i wish i never had

"You are at the mercy of your lover"

i thought we were on the same page, i was deeply mistaken, i just wish i went about it like you, didn't give a fuck like you i and maybe that way i wouldn't be upset right now, but i'm just a crazy ass silly me,silly o'l me.

:] :] :]

19 years of my life have gone by.....

I love my girls dearly they made my born day sooo much fun <3

:] we argue and curse like were husband and wife but at the end of it all its Love...

Welcome back!

Yeah i know i haven't blogged in a awhile...

Im back D.R was HOT,STICKY and HARD LIVING -_-
My cousins are worth it tho...
My Hick lovers <3
">

On a second note my birthday is coming up on saturday i think its adorable that my girls are going so hard to make it fun for little ol me =D; i love you bitches....

Harsh days happy nights

I leave on tuesday;;
Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The fact that i think my family isn't happy to see me saddens me & the fact that i feel like i'm losing my best friend breaks my heart but i keep a smile on my face the show must go on.....

"Jeffy": i do and i miss you terribly
me: i miss you to soo much =(
"Jeffy": im sorry im difficult and stress you
me: is okay jeffy peanut butter
"Jeffy": ill promise to treat you right
"Jeffy": like you deserved to be treated

Were such fags i know..
to bad he's leaving me =/

gotta work for what you want,,,,

Well, if you know me well enough you would know that my dream, my goal in life was/is to be a model and lately ive been slacking ive gotten very discouraged ive been through alot because ofeverything ive done to acheive my goal and im still not there.

Recently an agent i had passed away, and even though we had our differences i have alot to thank him, he showed me alot of things i needed to know he helped me shape my backbone and im really greatfull for that im going to miss you doc..

So ive decided to get back on my shit is not going to be easy but im gonna do it, most of you guys havent seen my walk, but those who have know the deal ;-] i show them how its done the only thing im confident about for the most part, its like im two different people wish me luck guys <3

Listen to this.

Its august 3rd && im leaving to D.R in a few days im happy to get away!

im going to miss my doggie dearly =(

Cold Hearted bitter bitch its all an act because everyone has a heart but i can sure play the part well when i have to, its so crazy now a days because instead of showing feelings i find better ways on hiding them deeper and deeper, you can hurt me but you'll never get the pleasure of knowing you did so, and blahh all the bull take risk go for it whats the point if the hints are clear?

Guys now are just "so when you coming over?"

what happened to the "dates"? movies -_____-

& i dont always blame the guys because some girls make the mistakes of thinking that if you fuck a guy you like right away you'll have him to keep, they'll never admitt that tho they'll hit with the "ooh i dont care he was just a fuck anyway" but at the end of the day she'll be bitter because she wanted something real all along...

just a few ramblings i have in my brain, so my birthday is on its way im looking foward to a bugg out with my friends and imma start my tatoo process, put piercings on hold i think i have enough for now =]......

=][=

It was an awsome night, party hopping with my girls!!

i wanna thank jajie && tashy for pullingdown my skirt when it was needed <3

Soooo, we started of at this bachelor party/party the guys there were so awsome && respectfulnot to mention all the free grey goose && bud :D..

Then we headed off to matt's shit which was oh so poppin aswell dancehall queen right herecouldent stop dancing smh

Hoesz;;I love you punk :]

Kat is a boost && this pic is hilarious

Studda budda!! =]

Jenn && me got it in all night ;-]

Dilians dress was oh so poppin

Iloveher

We was beyond SMACKEDD..

Very much needed night :-]

THE END;

What is it that i want <3..

For the first time in a very long time i feel myself wanting a relationship someone, i can bond with && create a connection with,but i want it all to be real i hate all this fake love bullshit -_- it blows mines how theres guys you'll meet that will dead confess a whole love confession to you when, they've only known you for about 2 days, i hate all that, && im tired of all the fucking around like its fun and all but at the end of the day your still alone, a mess around is not gonna take you out or listen to your bullshit problems non the less care about enough BLAHHHHHHHHHH; im just trying to find something i feel satisfied with.

mom....

Dear mother,

all i ive ever wanted was your unconditional love all i wanted was to hear an "iloveyou", "im proud of you" but all i hear is your disapointments towards me, i know i havent been the best of the best, but IM YOUR DAUGHTER i know you have no reason to be proud of me && all ive done is make things worse, and made you cry believe me making you cry is the most hurtful thing ive seen but im trying! im trying mom im trying to make it better im trying so hard for you to see, that i need your affection i need your support as much as i try to brush it off like i dont care all i end up doing is, crying i crave affection from you i always have why is that so hard?

Interesting conclusion

&& you'd think there the ones who would guard him when your not there....

but no, they wanna wait until you turn your back and take what you have, or want or desire with no remorse in there veins.
&& yet they call you a "friend" i want you to tell me whats the definition of a friend? because i may be mistaken but i feel like i can leave a "friend" in the same room with something i value && trust them not to take it...


Maybe im exagerating so be it!
you feel what you feel i'm simply fed up with it...

"there's so many fish in the sea why take the ones that have already been caught"
-__________________________________________-

*This is why trust becomes such an issue sometimes*

time flies by && you dont even realize all you could of done...

"I promise mama imma do it"

This week has been a bit of a reality check for me.
I NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER!

foreal,foreal....
No excuses, time is just ticking away so im pulling back a little
from all the "drinking,smoking,&& partying"
well at least imma try to..

jonathan i haet him so much at times but he opened my eyes alot this week made me see the important shit && what i need to do I love you (:..
Jonathan(12:19:03 PM): Local bums from my area give me hope..not trynna sound funny or fucked up
me (12:19:11 PM): lol i feel you
Jonathan(12:20:00 PM): I know bumz now..dat use 2 b millionares in wash heightzz....
me (12:20:09 PM): dead ass?
Jonathan (12:20:10 PM): Dat r cocaine addicts...n bums now
JohnSportFlyShyt (12:20:25 PM): Yupp
Natt112 (12:20:36 PM): damnnn
Natt112 (12:20:39 PM): thats so sad
Jonathan (12:20:46 PM): Yup......
Jonathan(12:20:54 PM): So imagine wat could happen 2 us
me (12:21:01 PM): hell yeah
Jonathan (12:21:02 PM): Dat we not even close 2 da millionss
Jonathan (12:21:30 PM): Gotta appriecate everythin u got....
Jonathan (12:21:47 PM): N gotta thrive for wat u believe in
Jonathan (12:22:07 PM): Shyt gonna b hard.....at first....
Jonathan(12:22:15 PM): But once u got it
Jonathan (12:22:20 PM): Is gonna run smooth
*good convo <33




He can get it RAWWW in the street infront of my grandma, church?
WHEREVER BABY
WOOOOOOOOOOO,, watching transformers was like eye candy smfh shiaa <33

all you have to give is unnfair anger....

my mother formely know as "el voz"
this lady makes me gooo bonkersss most especially when she takes out
her anger at me, when i havent done anything to her it makes me feel like a crash dummy she constantly just abuses me on an emotionally level, she screams sooo much like im NOT DEATH BITCH how about you lower your voice damn i know weere dominican but, damn son relaxxxxxx daddy......


ehhh on a different note iliana marcelle ortega is gonna be here to visit very soon && supper exited its been so long my dear friend <33333......

Take me away away away away......

i wanna be here already with bathing suit sand on my toes cute shades && extra sunscreen, uugh i need to get away so bad, i miss my cousins so bad i miss my country man :-/....


new york is giving me the wackest summer weather ever
sheesh smh.


"Estoy aqui pero mi mente este alla"

I expect the worst it hurts less.....

sooo, today is fathers day great joy -_-
it just reminds me of how much of a dick
my sperm donor is...

To all the ppl that have great fathers
im happy for you, apreciate what you have because alot of us dont have it..

On a different note, my little experiment with this guy, i feel myself attracted to him now -_-, hes soo weird but, if hes any type of attracted im the nigga in this situation im always stuck in some type of odd situation uuugh it upsets me so much let's see where this goes.....

"boy" (12:34:07 PM): well do you wanna come
me (12:34:20 PM): sure
me(12:34:36 PM): i dididnt think you would wanna chill with a girl your not going to fuck
"boy" (12:34:58 PM): well lmaoo woow -__-
"boy" (12:35:03 PM): am not sayin nothing
"boy" (12:35:09 PM): am stay shut =x

*Liquor on a sunday <3
my liver needs help......

&&& so i dream.....

this poem is so
beautiful it captivates me
everytime i hear it favorite poem
i can think of, && even tho i belive i wont
ever get married i'd love to hear this at my wedding <3

&& there's only one name that comes
to mind =X

ahhh;; blah blah blah

Closer ft. Andreena Mills - Drake

ii normally dont post songs on my blog but this song, i relate to it so much especially thispart right here "I promise mama
I'mma do it cause I know I put you through it (I know I put you through it baby)
And I just want you to sit around with ya friends at the dinner table and say "my baby's famous and I knew it"
And it wasn't nothin' to it" old drake song so awsome part of the reason why i havent gave up on my goal =]

courtesy of -jahaira b.

On a different note...
Im stoked for saturday liquor,liquor,liquor WEED &&
did i say liquor =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD


"pretty much how ive been feeling lately;;
I wanna drain out my emotions to the point
where love && hate does not phase me one cold hearted
bitch with a heart made out of steel"
-Natalie p.

Forbiden,confusing,unintentional love...

Your a dose of my own medicine, your me && im you
you complete my missing piece the ying to my yang your weird your silly, your uncaring, you respect me && show you care, you give me a natural high i just love life when im with you, you make my life an adventure never know what were doing next your a dog an asshole, a dick but yett i smile the hardest when im with you, to bad your not mine to bad i have you but i dont so my heart feels complete like nothing else is ever needed but then the end of the of the day comes & im still without you.


"I HATE YOU, BUT I LOVE YOU"
&& this feeling is so bitter sweet
but i never want you to leave your my great happiness but my terrible sadness your my biggest contradiction i dont think you'll ever know the power you hold.

-_-

Im just tired of feeling less than, tired of feeling like im worthless, like im ugly , like im nothing, like im just some stupid skinny dumb bitch noone really appreciates im SICK && TIRED i wanna punch everybody in there face i wanna dissapear of the face of the earth it just sucks madd dick how, ppl are soo iignorant fuck you, fuck her, fuck him, fuck me, fuck EVRYTHING && EVERYONE......

Awsome monday's && your Soulmate 2 things that you may never find.

Today was a poppin monday with darriot tasha && naj we went from being bored to driving for nutcrackers && making madd jokes to chilling in the park it was a fun day peacefull to get away from the typical drama i encounter. =D


&& as for "him" he's such a nigga but he's so awsome && as much as i tell myself we can never be, i see myself with him perfectly he knows me so well & i know him he's to cool for my hearts own good && as much as i wanna get away i cant let go.


TODAY WAS A BOOST <3.

Sunday! afternoon easily became a sunday night....

AHHH; vansz bbq with my hoes
it was kinda ehh; at first but we found some nut crackers && bud talked shit about every lame there, made it fun<3sunday>






TE AMO TASHANDA! <3>"After awhile being hurt is just to much work"


feeling the same exact way starts to get annoying specially when its a hurtfull thing so the easy way out is to no just not give a fuck that may pretty hard sometimes, but life has to go on wether you want it to or not being cold hearted is the easiest and painless way to go i feel you mami thats why im right there with you FUCK THE WORLD, FUCK YOU, FUCK LIFE but most of all FUCK NIGGAS! =]

The friendship the "love" the dissapointment <3

The "love"
now im in a perdicament that i never thought i would be in
im the "other girl" to someone that i see myself falling in love with to someone that as much as i may try not to admit can hurt me in the long run, but im still there in the passenger seat gazing into his eyes, the more we speak the deeper i fall, he seems to care he always calls but at the end of it all his girl is the one he chose its always just a HUGE dissapointment.

The friendship
soo lately i have been slacking on my schoolwork, my life my future
&& adriana called me out on it "listen natalie wake up at 8am tomorrow you need to stop slacking its been to long" so i tell her you go it G because she's right so we get up that early friday and drag ourselves to figure out my school life and after were done from all that we go to the park for a walk because we were bored and had nothing better else to do we ended up on the swings i felt like a little kid again it was awsome then we did this hour "hike" to see this little red light house all the way at the other side yes were lossers :) the view was great tho

The model life is desire

Modeling is beautiful,

it's art its raw its honesty in a brutal way

&& the fashion oh; the fashion i love <3!

Btw, these chanel runway shoes are AWOSOME, i

wish i had those so i can wear em and shoot every bum ass

motherfucker i encounter which almost every male i know to bad there worth 1,000 of dollars =/